Charmed if you can still call it that Season Two
by alexywill22
Summary: The sisters are presumed dead? Many new characters replacing old ones? Phoebe still lost? sounds like another season!
1. Still High And Wasted

A/N: It is here! Seasonthe two! Note: This is a sequel to Charmed if you can still call it that, not that you have to read that one to find this one funny, but'll probably be less confusing. Also, the new cast on the show will prove to be surprising and don't expect some faces to return (i'm just as evil as Kern, muahahahaha!)

Charmed if you can still call it that... Season the two.

Episode 1: Still high and wasted!

(Fade in: Jail cell. Andy is in an orange prison suit staring at a picture of Prue, Piper and Phoebe. You know what picture. So he had it. The sisters keep going closer then separating.)

ANDY: (In awe.) Cool...

(A cop walks up to his cell.)

COP: You're time is up, Trudue. A needle is waiting for you.

ANDY: Doesn't matter... my true love is dead... again...

(Cut to: A cold graveyard at dusk. A gravestone stand there, reading: "Prudence Halliwell. 1970 - 2001 and then 2005. She used to bitch. A lot." Zoom out to reveal three women standing over the grave. The redhead puts some flowers on it.)

BLOND: (Precious) Is fucking freezing, can we go now?

REDHEAD: (Piper) I never visited her old grave. I just don't want her to comeback and bitch about how we forgot she ever existed.

BRUNETTE: (Paige) You think she'll comeback?

REDHEAD: (Piper) I hope not.

BLOND: (Precious) Seriously, can we go?

(The three sisters walk away. Cut to: P3. Three guys we haven't seen in a while are there. Lesley, Jason and Jack. They all seem to be together.)

LESLEY: I can't believe she's dead. (Checking his lip gloss) I never told her how I felt.

JASON: I could've married her... offered her anything...

JACK: She... she was... (Sob) oh...

ALL THREE: Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiipppppppppppppppeeeeeerrrrrrrr!

(Papa roach is playing "scars".)

CODY: I tear my hearth open, and I sow myself shut, my weakness is that I care too much! And the scars remind me that the past is real. I tear my hearth open, just to feel!

(Kyle is watching the three pathetic men from a table. He's talking to Chad Michael Murray.)

KYLE: No one seems to suspect a thing.

CHAD: (Cole) Awesome. Now to get the ladies in this bitching young bod!

KYLE: The Elders are not aware of what happen. Mostly cause they all went to some sort of special break.

(A TV randomly turns on and we see what appears to be a wasted Odin, wearing his robe like a toga, dancing. The lady elder bounds in and flashes the camera.)

TV: Is Elders like you never seen them before! Idiots in robes gone wild!

KYLE: Well, that was disturbing.

(Buffy walks over and sits with them.)

BUFFY: I can't believe the police are actually buying that they all died.

KYLE: Why are you doing exposition?

BUFFY: I was bored. Hey, did you know that the police got the best crime solver in the business to solve the case?

KYLE: Who?

(Cut to: Police station. The police hand a file to Veronica Mars.)

VERONICA: Don't worry. I'm on it.

(Roll credits. Like eight people had been added making it difficult to read who's still on the show and who's not. Cut to the Manor. It has been repaired. Victor is hanging by the porch. Veronica walks over.)

VERONICA VOICEOVER: It seemed odd that the only person to get all of the Halliwell's estate was their father, considering the papers were arrange a date after the explosion.

VICTOR: Are you doing an inner monologue?

VERONICA: Yeah, sorry... too loud?

VICTOR: Kind of.

(Victor left and Veronica headed for the door. She knocks and a blonde woman came out.)

BLONDE: (Precious) Yeah?

VERONICA: I'm looking for Joan Bennett.

BLONDE: That's me... Oh wait. (To the house.) Am I Joan!

PAIGE: (from the house) No, Piper is!

PIPER: (From the house) What!

PAIGE: (from the house) You're Joan!

BLONDE: (Precious.) OK. She'll be right out. (To the house.) Joan! You got a visitor! (Nothing happens.) Joan! (Still nothing.) Piper!

PIPER: (from the house.) What!

BLONDE: (Precious) Joan has company!

PIPER: (From the house) Who the fuck is... oh yeah! Be right there!

(The blonde woman smiles and leaves. Veronica ponders. Joan comes down.)

JOAN: Yo.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: I don't know what it was. Maybe it was the fact that three convenient women seem to have replace the three missing ones or maybe it was the fact that they all call each other by the missing women's names, but I suspected something was wrong.

JOAN: I assure nothing's wrong.

VERONICA: Hey! Those are my private thoughts!

JOAN: Is not like I ask you who you like better, Logan or Duncan?

VERONICA: Log-I mean, shut up. Now, let me subtlety put a bug on your house. (She takes out a big walky-talky and puts in plane sight. Joan didn't notice.) Ok, bye now.

(She walk away. Cut to Xavier's School for Gifted Children. Professor X is in his office with Phoebe. Phoebe's talking and the professor looks quiet bothered.)

PHOEBE: So then I went to Kansas and aliens invaded and they wanted Clark but I told them I haven't seen his chest in months and Lois called me a retard! I'm not a retard! And then I made out with Lana and then I when to Las Vegas and then Grissom didn't want to see me! So I made out with Sarah and Warrick watch. And then-

XAVIER: That's quite enough. I think with all that information we can locate exactly where you're supposed to be.

PHOEBE: So I can't stay here and make movies?

XAVIER: We don't make movies.

PHOEBE: But the 'X' is everywhere and the last movies I did where marked triple 'X' and-

Fade to black.

End.


	2. The Spooky Episode

A/N: I decided to bring inb Billie and Dex to this series... Don't hate me Nicole! But the good news is there's still no Leo and Cole is not coming back. Wait... that's not good news...

Charmed if you can still call it that... Season the two.

Episode 2: The spooky episode!

(Fade in: Cemetery. Prue's grave. Willow, clearly magic high, bounds in and start doing the Osiris resurrection spell.)

WILLOW: Osiris! Master of death and whatnot bring fort the bitch of the people. (Buffy walks over.) Wrong bitch!

BUFFY: Willow, for shame! You fell off the wagon!

(Buffy pulls the witch by the ear an 'escorts' her away. Close up on the grave. Cut to inside the grave. Prue's rotting corpse starts to do the Buffy thing and gets all un-rotted and Prue comes back to life. Cut to outside: Prue's hand dramatically pulls out of the ground. Someone walks by and steps on it.)

PRUE: (Off screen) Ow, fuck!

(Roll credits. It possible more people have been added and some have been permanently taken away, like Cole, Andy, Darryl and Zankou. Fade in: Manor kitchen. Piper is reading the newspaper. Billie walks in.)

BILLIE: When are you guys going to teach me to fight demons and stuff?

PIPER: (Not looking up.) Is in the attic.

BILLIE: Are you even listening to me!

PIPER: (Looks at her.) And you are?

BILLIE: BILLIE! The new witch character that's going to learn from you guys!

PIPER: Learn what? You wanna learn how to scry?

BILLIE: For starters!

PIPER: Um... go to the living room, I'll be right there.

(Billie left. Piper returned to the paper. Precious walked in.)

PRECIOUS: So I somehow got Phoebe's old job.

PIPER: (Not looking up.) Is in the attic.

PRECIOUS: (Not listening to Piper either.) This guy, Dex, helped me out. He had a thing for Phoebe and I had a premonition-

PIPER: (Alarmed.) Premonition! Did the elders find us!

PRECIOUS: No. I just get premonitions about future weddings. Is one of my less talked about powers.

PIPER: Oh ok.

(Pause.)

PIPER: Wait... wedding? Who's getting married?

(Paige orbs in.)

PAIGE: Phoebe is.

PRECIOUS: How did you know?

PAIGE: I read the script.

PIPER: Oh big whoop.

(Prue crashes in from the window. The sisters look at her as she gets up. It should be noted that due to the spell the girls did they look different to Prue.)

PRUE: Um... who are you guys?

JOAN: (Piper) I'm-

GINA: (Precious) Joan! She's Joan. We live here now.

PRUE: Oh... then I guess I'll leave...

(She drags her tail out. the girls high five. Cut to P3. Wyatt is TK'ing some lamps around. Veronica is watching from a table and taking notes.)

VERONICA VOICEOVER: It was obvious that the death of his mother affected the poor lonely three-year-old. You can see the sadness in his telekinetic moves... wait... what?

(Victor walks in and sees what Veronica is seeing. He freezes the scene.)

VICTOR: Wait, I'm a witch?

(Dum, dum, dum!)

VICTOR: Bitching!

(Cut to: Sidney's house. Phoebe and Sidney, from scream, are sitting in the living room watching horror movies. The phone rings and Phoebe goes pick it up. Sidney stops her.)

SIDNEY: Don't!

PHOEBE: But-

SIDNEY: Is just that damn ghost face! He always calls when I'm alone watching my movies, well he's just going to have to wait until I want to answer. What did you rent anyway?

(Phoebe pushes play and the video from The Ring (a well, a woman picking her nose in a mirror, crapping horses, a lighthouse) plays. Sidney realizes what tape it is!)

SIDNEY: What the fuck! Did you just show me the tape that gets you killed!

PHOEBE: Well, yeah. Making a copy and showing it to others is the only way to not die.

(The phone rings. Sidney answers.)

SIDNEY: What, ghost face?

SAMORA: Seven days...

SIDNEY: No is in four days! How could you forget the anniversary where you killed my first set of friends!

SAMORA: What? I just met you!

SIDNEY: Who is this?

SAMORA: Samora...

SIDNEY: I don't know anyone by that name.

SAMORA: But-

Sidney: Good day!

SAMORA: Wha-!

SIDNEY: I said good day!

(Sidney hangs up. Cut to: Living room. Billie is trying to scry. She fails. How can someone fail scrying is beyond me. She taps her foot and dials on her cell.)

BILLIE: Hello? Can I speak to my cousin... Jenny!

(-Gasp-fade to black.)

End.

A/N: Ooh does this mean the return of JENNY!


	3. Darryl Where Are You?

Charmed if you can still call it that... Season the two.

Episode 3: Darryl where are you?

(Fade in: Box. Prue is trying to sleep in it. A rat is munching her hair. Hard cut to Paige's room. She's listening to her MP3 player. The words "Sony's new MP3 player. Buy now!" appeared on the screen. Soft cut to Piper in the kitchen. She's drinking. Then the screen divides into three scenes with the three sisters mentioned.)

ALL THREE: I miss Darryl.

(Roll credits. Fade in: Attic. Dex is talking with Gina (Precious).)

DEX: So are we going to keep talking about Phoebe here?

GINA: Can we not talk about my dead cousin!

DEX: But she died-

GINA: Before you told her how you felt, whatever... let's make out!

DEX: That's just what she would've done.

(Cut to Prue's box. Prue's looking very thoughtful. She has a flashback. Fade in: Police Station. Circa: Season 2 Charmed. A mourning Prue comes to Darryl.)

PRUE: I miss Andy.

DARRYL: Um... who are you again?

PRUE: (Hugging him.) Oh Darryl!

DARRYL: Lady, get off me!

(Cut back to the box. Prue smiles. Cut to Paige's room. Paige is sitting at the bed looking thoughtful too. She also has a flashback. Fade in: Bar. Circa: Season 4 Charmed. Darryl and Paige are doing the kareoke thing.)

PAIGE: I saw him dancin' there by the record machine  
DARRYL: I knew he must a been about seventeen  
PAIGE: The beat was goin' strong, playin' my favorite song  
DARRYL: An' I could tell it wouldn't be long till he was with me

PAIGE: Yeah me, singin'

BOTH: I love rock n' roll, so put another dime in the jukebox, baby! I love rock n' roll, so come an' take your time an' dance with me

(Cut back to Paige. Chloe and Lois are there glaring. Paige looks.)

PAIGE: What?

LOIS: That was our scene!

CHLOE: Yeah!

PAIGE: I'm sorry. I just don't have that much Darryl memories... what are you guys doing here?

LOIS: Your crazy ass lesbian sister sent us here!

PAIGE: Phoebe? She's not a lesbian, she's just a ho. And where is she?

CHLOE: She's in Smallville! She and Isobel have been causing havoc!

PAIGE: Oh, bummer.

LOIS: Aren't you going to go look for her?

PAIGE: Listen, I'll run it by Piper, but I doubt we will be picking her up. So, you guys might want to get use to her.

CHLOE: But-

PAIGE: Now, you shoo!

(Paige TK-orbs them away. Cut to: Kitchen. Wyatt and Chris (When did he come back?) are playing on the floor. Piper looks over at them.)

PIPER: Are babies are so cute, aren't they honey?

DRAKE: (WTF?) So cute.

(Piper has a flashback. Cut to: Park. Piper and Darryl are playing with their children in what looks to be a cheesy insurance commercial.)

ANOUNCER: (OS) Sign up with us. Cause you want your family to be taken care of.

(Cut back to Piper. She and Drake kiss and smile. Precious walks in angry.)

PIPER: What got up your ass?

PRECIOUS: Sadly, nothing! Dex only talks about Phoebe! Phoebe this and Phoebe that!

DRAKE: Well he is Phoebe's love interest.

PRECIOUS: Who are you?

(Paige walks in.)

PAIGE: Guess what?

DRAKE: Piper's husband.

PRECIOUS: Um... no you're not.

PAIGE: Come on, guess!

PIPER: Yes he is.

DRAKE: I love Piper.

PAIGE: GUYS!

ALL: WHAT?

PAIGE: I found Phoebe.

(Pause.)

PIPER: What?

PAIGE: I found Phoebe.

(Piper grabs a newspaper and rolls it up. She beats on Paige with it.)

PIPER: Bad Paige! Very bad Paige!

DRAKE: I had a dream like this...

PRECIOUS: Me too...

(Precious and Drake share a look and giggle away.)

PAIGE: She's in Kansas!

PIPER: (Stopping.) Kansas? Smallville, Kansas?

PAIGE: Yeah... Chloe and Lois came in to tell me.

PIPER: Well is there problem now.

PAIGE: So we're not going to rescue her?

PIPER: Why the hell would we do that? We had enough annoying characters here.

(As if on cue, Billie walks in.)

BILLIE: So I decided to cyber scry! Old school my ass!

PAIGE: hmmm.

PIPER: What Paige?

PAIGE: I'm going to try something.

(She takes out a tranq gun and shoots Billie with it. she falls, knocked out.)

PIPER: Hmm, well done. Can I see that? (Paige hands it to her. Piper shoots Paige.) Better.

(Fade to black.)

End.


	4. The New Villians

A/N: Bah! yet another update!

Title: Charmed! If you can still call it that… Season The Two.

Episode 4: The New Villians.

(Fade in: Living room. Prue and Precious are watching the Passion of Christ.)

PRUE: I don't get why he's taking all that. If it were me I do something about it.

(Cut to: The movie. Prue's Jesus and is being whipped hella a hard on the back. She then stands up to the guard.)

PRUE: Hey. Stop. Just stop.

GUARD: Ok.

PRUE: Ok.

(Cut back: To the living room.)

PRECIOUS: (cough) Family guy rip off (cough)

ALEX: (off screen.) I resent that! This show is original!

(Paige comes down from the stairs.)

PAIGE: The evil monkey in my closet is trying to kill me!

(Roll credit. Fade in: Kitchen. Piper is teaching Billie the art of sweeping the kitchen. Actually, she's making Billie clean while she watches and from time to time spits on her face.)

BILLIE: How is this supposed to help me fight evil?

PIPER: Billie, who's the experienced witch here? I am. So go scrubbed my toilet.

BILLIE: I don't need to take this! JENNY!

(In a display of flames and hair products Jenny forms in the room.)

JENNY: Yes, cousin?

PIPER: You're related? That makes no sense!

BILLIE: Like we live in a logical world here! Your dog talks.

(Brian glares at Billie from the table and walks out indignant.)

BILLIE: I actually was talking about Prue.

PIPER: Hey! You haven't earned the right to diss Prue.

JENNY: Why am I here?

FANS: (Off screen.) Good question.

PIPER: Oh, do you want me to blow her up Alex?

ALEX: (Off screen.) No. I have a story for her.

PIPER: You know all we do now is pace, where's the action?

ALEX: (Off screen.) I'm busy. Smallville takes my time.

(Just then Phoebe blinks in. Piper sighs.)

PIPER: How was Kansas, Pheebs?

PHOEBE: It was so uber awesome. I got to ride a pony. And Lex.

JENNY: I'm going to go.

(She flamed out. Billie muttered her way to the bathroom. Prue walked in and glared at Phoebe.)

PRUE: (Pointing at the ho) What is that doing here?

PIPER: Beats the fuck out of me.

PHOEBE: I brought presents for everyone! I got this nice silk pink dress for Leo.

PIPER: Who?

PHOEBE: Leo! Your husband.

PIPER: Husband? You mean Drake?

PHOEBE: No.

PRUE: Well the only Leo I know is dad's goat.

(Just then Victor and Leo the goat came in.)

VICTOR: Girls… I'm a witch.

PIPER: No you're not. Prue just put a spell to give you my freezing powers.

PRUE: How did you know?

PIPER: I read your journal.

PRUE: But I keep it in a safe, in backyard, in the underground bomb shelter, sealed with a steel door that only has one key!

PIPER: I know. You really should find a less obvious place for it.

VICTOR: But why did you put a spell on me?

PRUE: I was drunk, ok?

(Phoebe walks out of the room. Cut to: Phoebe's room. Precious is hanging out.)

PRECIOUS: Hey, Phoebe, you're back. (Force.) How great.

PHOEBE: Thanks. Smallville was boring me. But I did steal this!

(She holds up a piece of kryptonite. Precious collapses on the floor.)

PHOEBE: Oh, yeah. I found out The Source was weak against it, so I figured that you would be too.

PRECIOUS: But… that… was smart.

PHOEBE: (Isabelle) I know.

PRECIOUS: You're not Phoebe.

PHOEBE: (Isabelle) I got written out of Smallville so I decided to come here and take over your world. Now hand over the stones.

(Cut to: P3. Patience Halliwell (Ashlee Simpson) is performing.)

PATIENCE: Hey, how long till the music drowns you out? Don't put words up in my mouth, I didn't steal your boyfriend! Hey, how long till you see what's going on? Cause you really got it wrong, I didn't steal your boyfriend! Hey, how long till you look at your own life instead of looking into mine? I didn't steal your boyfriend! Hey, how long till you leaving me alone? Don't you got somewhere to go? I didn't steal your boyfriend!

(Prue and Paige are at the bar.)

PRUE: Isn't that Patience?

PAIGE: Yeah.

PRUE: Wasn't she dead?

PAIGE: Uh huh.

PRUE: So why is she here?

PAIGE: She faked her own death too. We all did. Well, except you and Phoebe. You guys are going to get in trouble with the cops if you don't hide.

PRUE: No. I'll just talk to Andy-

PAIGE: Oh. Andy's death.

PRUE: WHAT!

PAIGE: You know, no longer of the livng. He got the needle.

(Prue walks out, twiching. Paige looks at the screen.)

PAIGE: Well is not like she's agoing to do something crazy. Right?

(Fade to black.)

End.


	5. The Return Of Phobia

A/N: Oh yeah... I was writing this show... I forgot. lol

Title: Charmed! If you can still call it that… Season The Two.

Episode 5: The Return of Phobia!

(Fade in: Attic. Prue stares at the camera.)

PRUE: Legend tells of a sister that came from the forbidden love of my mother had with the demon of fear. This girl was proven not to be actually our sister and was rightfully vanquished... or was she?

ALEX: (Off screen.) You call that a spooky prologue? Get the fuck out of my set!

SHANNEN: Up yours!

(Roll credits. Fade in: Living room. Paige and Patience (Ashlee Simpson) are watching Desperate Housewives.)

PAIGE: (Zipping a can a Red Bull... what is it with Paige and the product placement lately...) I hate Teri Hatcher.

PATIENCE: Me too.

(The doorbell rings and Piper goes answer. Is Phobia Halliwell (Christina Ricci).)

PIPER: (Scared.) You!

PHOBIA: Hello sister.

PIPER: No. we're not sisters. Mother does not remember having you!

PHOBIA: Yeah. I spent the last three years figuring that out. As it turns out I was born out of the fear of Patty having an illegitimate daughter. So technically I am your sibling.

PIPER: Well... You're not staying here.

PHOBIA: Come on, Piper! I know you like me!

PIPER: Well, you tortured my sisters, how can I not like you?

(They walked to the living room. Paige and Patience jump up their seat and screech. Piper and Phobia laughed.)

PHOBIA: Hello, sister witches.

(She puts her creepy Wednesday Adams smile. Patience orbs out. Paige whimpers in a corner.)

PIPER: I'm going to like having you around again.

(Suddenly Billie walks in.)

BILLIE: Guess what I did? Guess what I did?

PIPER: Waste precious amount of oxygen and space?

BILLIE: Well, yeah. But I did something cool!

PIPER: What?

(Phoebe and Dex walked in wearing wedding clothes.)

PIPER: Son of a Prue!

PHOEBE: I got married! YAY! Now I can get babies!

PHOBIA: Hello, Phoebe.

(Phoebe screams in horror and faints. Then Isabelle takes over and jerks back up.)

PIPER: Didn't you faint?

PHOEBE: (Isabelle.) Um... yes.

DEX: I'm really confused here. But, I'm willing to stay with you Julie.

BILLIE: Oh! One more thing!

PIPER: Should I dare ask?

BILLIE: I told homeland security about you guys!

(Everyone took turns to slap Billie.)

PAIGE: Well, at least we can drop our stupid glamour selves!

(Paige recited a small rhyme that I'm so not writing and then all the glamoured P's turn into the real actresses that play them. Dex faints.)

PIPER: Well, now that the stupid plot is over, I'm going to get back to running my club and tending to my kid.

PAIGE: Don't you mean kids?

PIPER: Yeah, yeah..

(Piper headed up the stairs, where Phoebe also dragged her husband too. Phobia was idly staring at Billie.)

BILLIE: What?

PHOBIA: I know what your biggest fear is.

BILLIE: I don't know what you're talking about…

PAIGE: What's going on…?

(Phobia waves her hand at Paige and she turns into a water cooler. Yep, Phobia has that power. I think it's called molecular water cooling thing. Ahem. She turns back to the bimbo.)

PHOBIA: Your real name…

BILLIE: Don't! They can't find out…

PHOBIA: Phillie.

(Billie screams in horror. Prue comes in.)

PRUE: Ok, I made all of the arrangements for Precious' funeral and…(She notes Phobia.) You…

PHOBIA: Hello, Prue. Nice to see you… living.

(Prue goes to TK but Phobia deflects it. Awesome. She can do that too.)

PHOBIA: So, Precious is dead. How shocking.

PRUE: She'll come back… they always do.

BILLIE: Well, I see you guys have a lot of catching up to do so I'll-

(Phobia water cools Billie and turns to Prue.)

PRUE: What did you do to her?

PHOBIA: Is a little something I picked up in the demon wasteland. Now, I need to give you some information regarding the bimbo.

PRUE: You mean Phoebe?

PHOBIA: No. I meant her. (She points at water cooler Billie.) She's… our sister.

(Dramatic music plays. Grams conjures her astral ass in.)

GRAMS: Busted!

(Fade to black.)

To be continued…


	6. Jail Bane

A/N: After watching season 2 reruns which made me want to jazz this thing up a bit into something that makes more sense. lol So less one lining crap and more logical plots. Also to clear some things up, here's a character info list thing requested by Nicole since she's kind of lost and I supposed many are. lol

Piper Halliwell (Played by Holly Marie "God" Combs.) Status: Alive. Number of deaths:1 time. Currently sleeping: Bridal Room. Storyline: Being the best and the greatest.

Phoebe Halliwell (Played by Alyssa Milano.) Status: Alive. Number of deaths: 3 times. Currently sleeping: Whereever the guy/girl/demon/ghost/seer sleep in. Storyline: Being controlled by the spirit of a 16th century witch from Smallville and wanting to get pregnant.

Paige Matthews (Played by Rose McGowan.) Status: Alive. Number of deaths: 2 times. Currently sleeping: Phoebe's whore room. Storyline: Not knowing what to do with her time and being a Whitelighter.

Billie (Played by Kaley Couco.) Status: Alive. Number of deaths: 0times. Currently sleeping: Attic? Storyline: Being an annoying piece of crap actress, wasting air and space and plotting the destruction of the Charmed ones with her cousin Jenny.

Phobia "Wednesday" Halliwell(Played by Christina Ricci.) Status: Alive. Number of deaths: 1time. Currently sleeping: Precious old room. Storyline: Wanting to reconnect with her sisters and plotting the destruction of Billie.

Prue Halliwell (Played by Shannen Doherty.) Status: Alive. Number of deaths: 5times. Currently sleeping: Coat closet. Storyline: Plotting revenge for Andy's death and finding some sex.

Patience Hawlliwell (Played by Ashlee Simpson.) Status: Alive. Number of deaths:0times. Currently sleeping: Couch. Storyline: Glorified extra.

Drake(Played by Billy Zane.) Status: Alive. Number of deaths:1 time. Currently sleeping: Bridal. Storyline: Replacing Brian as Piper's husband.

Dead people: Andy, Precious, Paris.

Big bad: Jenny for now.

There. Enjoy the new ep.

Title: Charmed! If you can still call it that… Season The Two.

Episode 6: Jail Bane.

(Teaser: San Francisco various shot montage (can you believe this is the first time this show has done this?). We arrive to a shot at the manor outside. A man we haven't seen in a while is arriving at the door. The man is Bane Jessup. And if you don't who that is then don't you dare call yourself a Charmed fan. Though, considering how crappy it is now, I don't like to call myself that either. Um, yeah. He rang the doorbell and Paige answered.)

PAIGE: Can I help you?

BANE: Yes. I'm looking for Prue.

PAIGE: Oh. I'm sorry. Prue died five years ago.

(Bane goes wide eyed. Roll credits. Why is Billie there? Grr. Scene: Where we left off.)

BANE: Are you serious?

PAIGE: Yep. She hit a wall. It was this big thing.

PRUE: (Coming into view.) Paige!

PAIGE: What? He didn't let me finish. (Back to Bane.) She died five years ago and then came back and then died and then came back and then died and then came back. There.

(Paige exits. Prue gives a smile to Bane and sets aside to let him in. Cut to Foyer. Prue and Bane walked in.)

PRUE: So you're free now?

BANE: Yep. I told you I would come back for you.

PRUE: No you didn't.

BANE: Details.

(Piper comes in and sees Bane.)

PIPER: (Huge grin.) Is that Ban Jessup? (She runs up and hugs him.) How have you been? I've missed you so much.

BANE: You have?

PRUE: Huh? Piper, you're married!

PIPER: What? Drake's picking up Wyatt and what's-his-face. Can a witch get a little eye candy? Jeez. I'm only human!

PRUE: Well, that was overdramatic.

(Phobia begins walking down the stairs and gives Prue a Did-you-talk-to-Piper-about-the-problem look. Prue gave her a not-yet-I-was-going-to-but-I-have-company look. Phobia gave her a you-stupid-hag-I'll-do-it-myself look. Prue gave her an up-yours-Goth-freak-I-don't-give-tiny-rat's-ass look. These sisters know how to express themselves well.)

PRUE: (To Bane.) Um, let's go to my room.

(They walked to the coat closet and locked the door. Phobia walks up to Piper who's staring at the clock.)

PIPER: (To herself) I wonder how many times has this clock broken. (To Phobia.) I was going to do the laundry. Need anything washed?

PHOBIA: I have more pressing topic to discuss with you.

PIPER: Well, if it's about Billie and her long lost sister, I don't care.

PHOBIA: What? Billie has another sister?

PIPER: What do you mean 'another'?

(Phobia is about to talk when Phoebe walks in with a crystal ball in her hand. A close-up on the ball reveals a little red energy spark inside, twitching.)

PIPER: Phoebe, what's in that ball?

PHOEBE: Remember when I went to Smallville for a few months while everyone was all 'dead' here? (Piper nodded. Phobia rolled her eyes and walked towards the kitchen.) Well, I was infected with this 16th century old witch. I did a spell to expel her from my body and trapped her in this little Orb of Thesula. (_Check Buffy The Vampire Slayer.-Alex_.) I think she used me to kill Precious.

PIPER: How did you figure all this out by yourself?

PHOEBE: I didn't. You know dad's goat?

PIPER: Leo?

PHOEBE: Yeah. It like talked to me and told me what to do. He reminds me a lot of the real Leo.

PIPER: What real Leo? Are you high or just retarded?

PHOEBE: A little bit of A, a little bit a B.

(Piper gritted her teeth and stepped out of the house. Phoebe shrugged and placed the Orb on a table nearby then she headed up the stairs. Cut to: Prue's room-Coat closet. Bane and Prue are in the middle of some heavy making out. Bane's shirt is opened slightly and Prue is running a hand through his muscular chest.)

ALEX: (Off-screen.) Family show, people!

(Prue and Bane separate and chuckled a bit.)

BANE: Sorry. It's been two years since I had sex.

PRUE: Weren't you in prison for like six years?

(Pause.)

PRUE: Oh.

(Awkward pause.)

BANE: Um, so how's the Photography thing working out?

PRUE: Actually, I haven't gotten into the whole "being back from the dead and getting back my old life" thing yet. Every time I think I'm ready something 'demonic' happens and I end up dead again. It's almost like some sadistic mind wants me to pay for being me.

(The laughs of Brad Kern and Alyssa Milano can be heard in the distance.)

BANE: Well, maybe I'm the character that turns your life back to the right track.

PRUE: (Deadpan.) Yeah. An ex-con who tried to kill me and my sister and kidnapped me to lured me into some Post Demonic Prison Break Wild Sex™.

BANE: Were you always this bitchy?

PRUE: Yeah.

(Awkward pause. Cut to: Kitchen. Phobia Water-Cools Patience and sits on the stool she was sitting, eating cereal. Paige walks in with a pale face… I meant… oh, Prue this.)

PHOBIA: (Eyeing Patience's cereal bowl.) Paige. I sense you're worried.

PAIGE: (Somewhat somber.) I got a call from my aunt and uncle.

PHOBIA: (Looks up to Paige.) What did they say?

PAIGE: They… said that they found my brother.

PHOBIA: You have a brother?

PAIGE: Yeah… he was a few years younger than me. He wasn't adopted. When we were little a demon came into our and took him away.

(Pause. Billie came out of the refrigerator.)

BILLIE: It must be the same demon who took MY sister!

PAIGE: Don't steal MY storyline!

BILLIE: (With her lame Bimbo line delivery.) Um, like you clearly stole mine!

(Phobia rolls her eyes and Water-Cools Billie. She stands up and walks to Paige.)

PHOBIA: Paige, we need to talk about Billie.

(Fade to black)

End.


	7. Death takes a Halliwell… out to dinner

A/N: Since I want to jump tp Season Three and The Movie (Yes. There's going to be a movie.) I'm focusing my attention on this fic. Like alot. Started my usual four or five episode arc towards the season finale. I think watching Charmed reruns make this alot better. Heheh. This time I'm bringing in someone not seen in a while at the end. You'll have to read for it. Heh. Also, Leo will be in the movie but won't be on the show. lol I'll work it out somehow. Oh just read this.The movie is months away.

Also, many of the terms andideas for this comes from the great recaper Damien from the TWoP forums, who has to recap the Charmed episodes. He's great. Heh. In order to diference my terms from the forum's I put my with a little (TM), by the way Nicole, this is how I do it in Word and it sets itself. Well, read and review now! Expect the Movie fic soon.

Title: Charmed! If you can still call it that… Season The Two.

Episode 7: Death takes a Halliwell… out to diner.

(Teaser: A nice beach in the sunset. Prue's taking shots with her old camera. Phoebe, who has apparently gone retard (More than usual.), is giddily making a sand castle. Hmm. Why does this seem familiar?)

PHOEBE: Remember the last time we went to the beach? It was so Leo and Piper could get it on.

PRUE: Dad's goat?

PHOEBE: No… oh, forget it. (She put a little flag on the small main tower.) Hail Queen Phoebe! Of the Underworld! (She cackled like a mad woman.) I shall rule again one day.

PRUE: I think we should go home now.

(They start to gather their stuff when Prue spots a shadow lurking by the rocks. She walks up to it, 'accidentally' destroying Queen Phoebe's Underworld Sand Castle Of Eeevil and Pink Ponies™. Phoebe cries and throws a fit. Cut to the rock area. The Angel of Death stands there. Prue walks up to him.)

PRUE: Are you here for me again?

DEATH: Yes. You have avoided me for the last time, Prudence. (He lifts his mighty hand of DOOM!) See you in the afterlife!

PRUE: WAIT! (She holds up her hands.) I got a proposal you can't refuse!

(Death looks interested. Roll credits. Fade in: Piper's room. Piper's lying on the bed, flipping through a magazine. Paige is sitting by her on the bed too. Prue's voice can be heard from the closet, formally the nursery of Tiny Doomed Gay Chris, formally the nursery to the Psychotic Blonde Midget.)

PAIGE: So you promised him dinner?

PRUE: (Off-screen.) Well, I couldn't very well let him take me again! A girl can die so many times before it gets on your nerves.

PIPER: (Not bothering to part from her article reading.) You know, you could always just STAY dead and avoid everyone a big headache.

PRUE: (Off-screen.) No. I hate hell. No one likes me there.

PAIGE: Probably because you kill their kind. I'm surprise about that. I thought demon souls got eating by the tentacle thing in the Wasteland.

PRUE: (Stepping into frame, carrying two dresses.) Some of them are sent to Hell for eternal torment. Plus, someone killed the beast like four years ago. (Charmed Season 4 finale, Bitches!-Alex.-) So now all the demons get sent to the pits of Hell. (She holds up the dresses.) Which one should I pick? (She holds up a Bright green mini dress with lots of ruffle stuff at the shoulders that looks like something Elmo threw up. Paige looks at it with awed. The other is a low cut black cocktail dress.) So? Which one?

PAIGE: The green one!

PRUE: (Looking at both outfits.) Are you sure?

PAIGE: It's perfect.

(Piper snickered and said nothing, turning back to her magazine. Prue shrugged and made her way out the room. Cut to: Attic. Patience and Phobia are there making potions.)

PATIENCE: Wow, this is like my first meaningful scene!

PHOBIA: (Faux perky.) Yeah! (She Water-Cools her.) Dumb bitch.

(Paige wanders in. She looks at the Water Cooler gurgling in the middle of the room.)

PAIGE: That's not Billie again, is it?

PHOBIA: No. Just the nameless sister. (She seals a small bottle of green liquid.) How was the meeting with your brother?

PAIGE: (A little distracted with The Water Cooler.) Um, fine. He doesn't remember who he was though. (Turns to Phobia.) I'm actually more concern of what you said about Billie… you know.

PHOBIA: I'm on top of it, Paige.

PAIGE: But I still don't get much of it… Are you sure that's what Grams said?

PHOBIA: You can summon her if you like. I got a demon to ass kick.

(Phobia heads out. Paige ponders for a moment and then heads for the BOS. Cut to: French type looking restaurant. Death sits in his usual black attire waiting for his date. In a display of horrific puke green comes… Phoebe? Ha! Like my plot twist?)

PHOEBE: Hi, death!

DEATH: Hey, ba-beh. (Yes, it was that gross.) Wanna go to my place after dinner?

PHOEBE: That's why I'm not wearing any undies! (She giggles like a retard.) So, Death, are you fertile?

DEATH: Um… what?

PHOEBE: Can your little reaper get me knocked up? I need to get pregnant like next week or so!

(Death looks shock and uncomfortable. Cut to Manor living room. Paige and Prue are playing with the Spirit Board.)

PAIGE: So have you told Piper about Billie yet?

PRUE: Every time someone tries to something gets in the way.

(Phobia comes in from the front door and walks to the living room. She's covered in demon goo and has a piss off look.)

PHOBIA: I hate when this happens.

PAIGE: Life as a Charmed one.

PHOBIA: I'm not even 'Charmed'. I don't have any of the Charmed powers. (She sits on a stuff chair.) I don't know why I came here…

PRUE: Welcome to the lost sisters club. We don't know what to do with our own lives either.

PAIGE: I'm so lost. Maybe I should try the cop thing again...

PHOBIA: How about no? I think we should focus our attention on the Billie issue. We might have to deal with the consequences of Grams actions soon.

PRUE: This is so fucked up. I mean, dad's not taking my calls ever since I told him I knew his little secret.

PAIGE: I'm more concern of how Piper's going to react than anything else.

PIPER: (Off-screen.) React to what?

(They all turn to see Piper coming in with New and Supposedly Improved Tiny Doomed Gay Chris. They changed the baby. Like we don't notice this. Piper sits on yet another stuff chair.)

PIPER: What were you guys talking about?

PAIGE: (Looking at Chris.) Piper… who's baby is that?

PIPER: Mine. Hello? Christopher Perry Halliwell Wyatt Matthews Turner™? My second son!

PAIGE: That's not Chris-

PRUE: (Interrupting.) Whatever! Piper, there's something you should know…

PIPER: About?

(Suddenly Billie flies in the room and slammed against the wall, smashing lots of antique furniture. The four sister stand over the Bimbo.)

PRUE: Hey! Do you know how much all that stuff cost!

BILLIE: There's a Warlock in the attic!

(All girls look super-freaked and turned to go to the stairs but stopped as a figure appeared coming down. Prue and Piper recognized him.)

PRUE: Oh my Holly…

PIPER: But he's supposed to be dead…

PAIGE: Who is he?

PHOBIA: Anton?

(Anton smiled slightly at Phobia and then turned to the other sister.)

ANTON: I've come for your cousin-

PAIGE: Ew. Too much info.

ANTON: Um… not like that. (He smirked his sexy smirk.) Well, not yet.

PAIGE: Wait, what cousin? Didn't we drop the Glamour act?

PRUE: He means Phoebe.

(Dum dum dum! Fade to black.)

End? No. I think is to be continued... yeah! that's it.


	8. It's a bad, bad Phoebe part 1

A/N: spoiler fun: Season 3 will feature Brian Krause again. Prue we'll be recast for the movie. Cole drops from movie project. Kaley Couco died on set last week. And now enough stalling. Enjoy.

Title: Charmed! If you can still call it that… Season The Two.

Episode 8: It's a bad, bad Phoebe. (Part 1)

(Teaser: Where we left off last time. Except that is a little later and the sisters and Billie are fighting Anton. Prue tries to TK his ass but he jumps out of the way and decks her. She falls down. Billie jumps to kick him but falls on her ass (meaning her brain) and gets knocked out. Piper, who has New and Supposedly Improved Tiny Doomed Gay Chris in her hands can't do anything but duck for cover. Phobia stalks directly to Anton prepared to Water Cool his ass when suddenly he hurls a Flaming Ball Of Death to her. She tries avoiding it but gets hit on the shoulder, slamming on the coffee table, breaking it. Paige looks at the many wooden pieces on the floor.)

Paige: (Motioning with her hand.) Wood! (She waves the orbing stakes to Anton. Anton shimmers out.) Damn it!

(Anton shimmers behind her and a stabbing sound is heard. Paige's struggles and falls limp on the floor. He lifts up a bloodied knife. Piper, from behind the couch goes wide eyed.)

ANTON: Unimpressive.

(Roll credits. Fade in: Foyer. Bane and Agent Murphy (First appearance on this show) walked in.)

MURPHY: Well, I'm just trying to help them as much as I... (He notes something in the living room.) What the hell?

BANE: What?

(They walked in the living room and see the chaotic aftermath of Anton's attack. Billie lays unconscious by the corner. Prue is on the floor barely awake. Paige bleeds, face to the ground by the couch. Phobia is out cold on the remains of the coffee table. Piper is no where to be seen.)

BANE: What happened to them?

(Murphy kneels over to each of the sister to check their pulses. He 'accidentally' steps on Billie. Several times actually. Is he kicking her?)

BANE: Dude! We all hate her but chill. (He kneels to Paige.) Gah, this one is going to die if we don't get her help.

WYATT: (Walking in the room and with a British accent.) I believe I can be of some assistance.

BANE: Did that baby just talked?

MURPHY: (Pointing his gun at Wyatt.) What are you?

(Wyatt waves his tiny deadly hand and TK's the gun out of Murphy's hands. He smiles wickedly.)

WYATT: Guns. Mere mortal's playthings. (He walks over to Paige and heals her.) There.

BANE: God… that must've been some party you guys had here.

MURPHY: Paige, you were attacked.

PAIGE: Correction. (Suddenly standing up.) You're going to be attack. (He eyes glow black and she TK's orbs a knife to her hand. The same knife Anton used on her. She didn't call for it and the orbs were black ones. I will refer to the as Darklights.) Die!

(She waves the knife in a circle and a shockwaves forms, sending the two men and the Psychotic Blonde Midget hurling in the air and slamming against walls and other stuff. Paige puts a wry little grin and stabs Prue with the knife. Prue screamed in Pain. Paige waves the knife on the wound and it heals itself. Prue suddenly stands up with glowing black eyes. Paige grabs her arm and Darklights out with her. Phobia barely stands up.)

PHOBIA: Jenny…

(Cut to: A Papier-mâché'd looking Cave. Jenny is cackling around. Anton is leaning against a what looks like a plastic rock. This show's budget is cheap but it looks better than any set on Charmed this season. Ha.)

JENNY: My plan to rid the world of those Damned Charmed ones is working!

ANTON: Remember. I help you and you get me into Phoebe's pants again.

JENNY: Of course. All we have to do is use this. (She takes out a small bottle.) Make her drink this and she'll go evil again. Like she's destined to.

ANTON: Is it some sort of potion?

JENNY: Nope. Just a little wine. One sip and she's a total skank. Once she's ready you'll get in her pants and since she's on the look for her Baby's daddy she'll do anything you want as long as you get her pregnant. Then, I'll make the baby be born as a Super Mega Witch Of Doom™ and feed it my annoying cousin Billie as a sacrifice.

ANTON: Um… I know that. Why did you just waste time telling me your plan again?

JENNY: Exposition. Now, go get the ho. I'll use the Zombie P's for my other plan.

(Anton waited a few moments.)

JENNY: Yeah?

ANTON: Aren't you going to exposition that plan?

JENNY: No. Let the viewers think a little.

(She cackles. Cut to: Bay Mirror. Phoebe is looking at something on her computer. She has that retarded grin of hers on. Billie and Phobia raced in.)

PHOBIA: Phoebe! We have a problem!

PHOEBE: (Staring at the screen.) I didn't know monkeys could bend that way.

PHOBIA: What! Phoebe! Paige, Piper and Prue are missing! And Anton came back! And-

PHOEBE: (Looking up and Hella horny.) Anton's back!

BILLIE: Yeah. He tried to kill us.

PHOBIA: We need to band together since we're the only ones that are left we can restore the Power of Three.

PHOEBE: No. We all have to be sisters and Billie's… (She looks at Phobia's face.) Oh no… you don't mean…

BILLIE: Billie's real name is Phi-

(Anton Flames in. Phoebe has an orgasm. Phobia tries to Water Cool him again, but this time Billie punches her.)

BILLIE: Like, it took you long enough to get here, Anton. And did you have to hit me so hard at the Manor.

ANTON: It had to look real. Plus, I don't like you either. You don't think I watch Charmed? You're killing that show!

BILLIE: Ha! Whatever! Me and Jenny will get our way! At least my cousin likes me.

ANTON: (Shifty eyes.) Yeah. Sure.

(Phoebe snaps out of her daze and goes into Kun Fu Phoebe mode. She Yodels in the air for a quick kick. But Anton catches her in a rather gracious move on his part. Phoebe blushes and kisses him. No wine required. They pull apart.)

PHOEBE: Will you give me the sperm for my future kid?

ANTON: Yeah, baby.

PHOEBE: Then… (Eyes glowing red for no real reason other than effect) is time to kill my cousins! (She cackles.) Or is it sisters now?

(Billie wonders the same while Anton holds his urge to smack Phoebe on the back of the head by smacking Billie on the back of the head.)

(Fade to black.)

To be continued…


	9. Stalling clip show spectacular!

A/N: Okay so here's the deal. I hate charmed now. I just... I can't watch a wholwe epside without getting a fucking headache. honestly I can't. so writing parodies for this... is just depressing. It is. I can't be force to do it. But i owe you people so I'm going to try and finish these fics. TRY! Anyway. Here's something for you to read while you wait.Oh and by the way, I still watch it cause i love henry and Paige for some reason. They're actually well played together. >. But I can't stand Billie! If she doesn't go soon and die i might just not bother anymore! And phoebe shut the fuck up with your living on my own! Fuck you bitch! Iws not going to work out! yeah, just move when your sister needs you the most you fucking selfish whore. I wish prue would come and slap you! Gah... she mnade me want Prue back... I'm going to puke now.

Title: Charmed! If you can still call it that… Season The Two.

Episode 9: Stalling clip show spectacular!

(The Set of Charmed If you can't still call it that. Alyssa, Holly and the Retard are sitting in studio chairs.)

ALYSSA: HI! I'm the beautifully talented Alyssa Milano. And these are some random people from my show. (She allows the camera a small glimpse of Holly and the Retard but motions it back to her.) Anyway, since Alex is busy doing his thing-

HOLLY: Being a lazy fucker, you mean.

RETARD: Ha. That's funny.

(Retard is shot in the brain. Nothing really changes though.)

ALYSSA: Anyway... We're going to see some clips from the old Series of Charmed he was doing that parodied our first year as witches.

RETARD: OOOH! I clip show! Like totally awesome!

(Retard is hit repeatedly in the hat with a bat. She lays unconscious.)

ALYSSA: Let's see some clips involving our first abuses of our powers!

(Clip start. Phoebe heads to the attic. She goes in and finds the Book of Shadows. She opens it and start to read.)

Phoebe: A spell to turn us into witches! Cool!

(So Phoebe does the spell and screws her sisters' lives forever. Cut to: Quake. Piper's power. The chef it's about to try Piper's meal.)

Chef: Let's see what you got.

Piper: Wait!

(Piper freezes him. She takes out the Ecstasy from her purse and puts in the food. She unfreezes him. He eats.)

Chef: Whoa! Pretty colors! You got the job!

(Cut to: Quake. Phoebe and Piper talk.)

Phoebe: Oh, chill! I'm using my powers to get dates! Look, that guy is gonna ask me to sleep with him!

Sleazy guy: Wanna sleep with me?

Piper: Prue's gonna freak if she finds out your using your powers to get laid!

KAYLEY: (Off screen.) Who's Prue?

(The tape stops and we return to the girls.)

HOLLY: You met her you dimwit!

ALYSSA: Short. Twitchy lazy eye. Bad temper.

KALEY: Oh.. can we see clips of that!

ALYSSA: Oh boy… which one?

(Clip starts. Halliwell Manor Kitchen. Piper and Prue are there.)

Piper: You had sex on the first date!

Prue: Is that bad?

(Phoebe enters.)

Phoebe: I got laid because of my powers!

Prue: We're not supposed to be using our powers!

Piper: Are you the boss of us?

Phoebe: Who's the boss?

Prue: Piper, yes I am. Phoebe, that joke was a) Old and b) Lame. No more powers!

(Cut to: Bucklands. Elevator. Prue gets in the elevator.)

Prue: I'm gonna use my powers to get to my floor faster. Anybody have a problem with that?

Elevator extras: No!

(Cut to: Park. Prue and Piper discuss.)

Prue: I need to go to Bucklands!

Phoebe: You let a kid get trap and you want to go to Bucklands?

Prue: Hey! I'm the only one working here! Piper doesn't make enough money and you are a waste of space!

(Cut to: Outside Andy's house. Prue and Andy argue.

Andy: I want you to tell me what you're hiding!

Prue: I'm not telling you anything!

Andy: Then... maybe we shouldn't see each other anymore!

Prue: Ok!

Andy: Wait! But-

Prue: Bye!

(Prue skips happily home.)

(Cut back to the girls.)

HOLLY: Shannen is going to be so fucking pissed at you, Milano.

ALYSSA: Whatever. Like that bitch can touch me. Um, let's show clips about your love life and then see if people call me a ho.

HOLLY: Oh, Jeez…

(Clip starts. Cab. Piper and Jeremy are grossing the cab driver out.)

Jeremy: No you're the cute one!

Piper: No, you are!

Jeremy: No, you are!

Piper: No, you are!

Jeremy: No, you are!

Piper: No, you are!

Jeremy: No, you are!

Piper: No, you-

(Cut to: Scene: Chinatown. Mark the ghost and Piper bond.)

Mark: My body's somewhere over here.

Piper: Too bad you're dead, I'd probably date you.

(Cut to: Scene: Quake. Piper gets the results from her Queen Bee spell. sexy guy hits on her.)

Sexy: I just want to talk to you all night long!

Piper: I better call Prue.

Sexy: Ok.

(She calls Prue, while a cute guy hits on her.)

Cute: Hey!

Piper: Um, Prue? Just wanted you to know that I'm gonna get laid and you only have Andy.

(Cut to: Halliwell Manor. Piper's there. Leo enters.)

Leo: Hey, I conveniently stained my shirt, would you like me to take it off so you can check out my naked chest?

Piper: Maybe later. Leo do you want to have sex with me?

Leo: Yes please!

(Cut to: Prue's room. Prue and Phoebe are there as Piper rushes in.)

Piper: I'm so late for work. It's just that I was having unbelievable sex last night!

Prue: Rub it in why don't you?

Piper: Ok. It was great! And I even freeze him so it could last longer!

Prue: I hate you!

(Cut to: Quake. The sisters sit in a table. A ladybug lands on the table.)

Piper: Ah! Bad luck!

Phoebe: No! Good! If you flick it lands on your lover's path.

(Piper makes sure she flicks it on the hot guy from before.)

Piper: Well, look at that! I guess I have no choice but to date him!

(Cut to: Josh's office. Piper checks him out. I mean, checks on him.

Piper: You ok?

Josh: Yes. Wine?

Piper: Sure.

(Cut to: Josh's place. Josh gives Piper the plans and an ultimatum to go with that.)

Piper: You're leaving unless I say you shouldn't?

Josh: I need to know if we're going to be a couple.

(Piper freezes him.)

Piper: Listen up! I like you and you are cute, but I can't make this decision! And I still loved Leo! And there's the Dan thing! I just can't answer you're right now.

(Cut tape. Holly looks annoyed.)

HOLLY: Those scenes were taken out of context!

RETARD: Sure…

ALYSSA: We ran out of time anyway! Next time, we'll see the funny Paige moments!

RETARD: Wasn't Paige from season 4?

BOTH: Hush!

(Fade to black.)

To be continued.


End file.
